BETSY: Why are all
Shakespeare plays all named for men?
GLORIA: Yeah. Take
"Macbeth" for instance. Its more about Macbeths
wife, isnt it?
MAXWELL: And I suppose
youd like something more politically correct?
GLORIA: Sure, why not?
"Lady Macbeths Excellent Adventure."
BETSY: It has a nice
ring to it.
How about, "Mrs. Hamlet and Her Clinically Depressed Offspring"?
Cleopatra Got Her Groove Back."
BETSY: (Joins the fun.)
"Little Sally Caesar Has a Really Bad Hair Day." (Quick
look to GLORIA, who boils.) Sorry.
MAXWELL: You cant
turn Shakespeare into a chick flick, Gloria. Face it, women just
arent as interesting as men.
JB: Hey, Betsy.
Werent you saying the other day youd like to do something
from "The Taming of the Shrew"?
BETSY: (Skeptical.) Yeah.
JB: You up for Act Two,
BETSY: I think so.
JB: Great. Now
were going to need a door for this scene. Gloria&ldots; (Wiggles
finger at her.)
JB: (Places GLORIA
near CENTER, then places her arms above her head to make an arch. To GLORIA.)
Ah, ah, ah. There are no small parts...
MAXWELL: ...only small minds.
JB: (To MAXWELL.)
You, too, stage boy. This door is double hung.
(Places MAXWELL to the side
of GLORIA, then places MAXWELLS arms above his head. They each
make a side of a double door by standing with their right shoulders
touching, facing the STAGE or PLAYING AREA. )
"door" that is MAXWELL and GLORIA. They swing forward or
backward to "open" and "close" like a saloon
door, spinning on their heals. JB "opens" and
"closes" it with a "skreeech," the sound of
creaky door hinges.)
MAXWELL: Ill make
you pay, my friend. Mark my words.
JB: (To BETSY.) Ready?
JB: Places, everyone!
Pay close attention, Gloria. You may learn something.
(For the following scene
from "The Taming of the Shrew," ACTORS assume the following
roles: JB as PETRUCHIO, BETSY as KATHERINE and MAXWELL and GLORIA as
the "door." JB crosses UPSTAGE as BETSY/KATE is in a huff
and marches through the door. MAXWELL and GLORIA skreech every time
PETRUCHIO or KATE move through the "door." JB/PETRUCHIO
follows KATE through the door and "closes" it. Speaks as PETRUCHIO.)
Good morrow, Kate, for
thats your name, I hear.
have you heard, but something hard of hearing: They call me Katherine
that do talk of me.
JB/PETRUCHIO: You lie,
in faith! For you are calld plain Kate,
PETRUCHIO: And bonny
Kate, and sometimes Kate the curst; But Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom.
(KATHERINE softens, liking
what she hears. PETRUCHIO become bold and grabs her, then tries to
waltz with her across the STAGE.)
Kate of Kate Hall, my
super-dainty Kate, For dainties are all Kates, and therefore, Kate, (Becomes
suddenly serious and drops down on one knee.) Take this of me,
Kate of my consolation
Hearing thy mildness
praisd in every town,
Thy virtues spoke of, and thy
Yet not so deeply as to thee belongs,
Myself am movd to woo
thee for my wife.
In good time! Let him that movd you hither remove you hence. (Moves
to "door," "opens" it and begins to step
through, but PETRUCHIO stops her and pulls her away from the
"door." Angry.) I knew you at the first you were a moveable.
"door" shut.) Why, whats a moveable?
KATHERINE: A joind-stool.
PETRUCHIO: Though hast
hit it! (Gets down on all fours.) Come sit on me!
KATHERINE: Asses are
made to bear, and so are you. (Gives his rump a push with her foot.)
Women are made to bear, and so are you.
KATHERINE: No such jade
as you, if me you mean.
PETRUCHIO: Alas, good
Kate, I will not burden thee! For knowing thee to be but young and light
KATHERINE: Too light
for such a swain as you to catch, and yet as heavy as my weight
PETRUCHIO: Should be! Shouldbuzz!
KATHERINE: Well taken,
and like a buzzard.
slow-winged turtle! Shall a buzzard take thee?
KATHERINE: Ay, for a
turtle, as he takes a buzzard.
PETRUCHIO: Come, come,
you wasp! In faith, you are too angry.
KATHERINE: If I be
waspish, best beware my sting.
PETRUCHIO: My remedy is
then to pluck it out.
KATHERINE: Ay, if the
fool could find it where it lies.
PETRUCHIO: Who knows
not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail.
KATHERINE: In his tongue.
PETRUCHIO: Whose tongue?
KATHERINE: Yours, if
you talk of tales, and so farewell. (Goes to "open"
door. MAXWELL and GLORIA open.)
them shut.) What, with my tongue in your tail? Nay, come again,
Good Kate; I am a gentleman
Ill try. (Strikes him.)
PETRUCHIO: I swear
Ill cuff you if you strike again.
KATHERINE: So may you
lose your arms. If you strike me, you are no gentleman! And if no
gentleman, why then no arms?
MAXWELL: Speaking of
arms... (He and GLORIA drop their arms and shake them from
exhaustion. PETRUCHIO and KATHERINE are too busy to notice.)
PETRUCHIO: A herald,
Kate? O, put me in thy books!
KATHERINE: What is your
crest? A coxcomb?
PETRUCHIO: A combless
cock, so Kate will be my hen.
The Scene from Taming a Shrew continues...
Note: This is a
sample from the actual script. To review the entire play, order
the PERUSAL SCRIPT (online instant download).