BETSY: 
           Why are all Shakespeare plays all named for men?
          
           GLORIA: 
           Yeah. Take "Macbeth" for instance. Its more about 
           Macbeths wife, isnt it?
          
           MAXWELL: 
           And I suppose youd like something more politically correct?
          
           GLORIA: 
           Sure, why not? "Lady Macbeths Excellent Adventure."
          
           BETSY: 
           It has a nice ring to it.
          
           JB: (Smirks.) 
           How about, "Mrs. Hamlet and Her Clinically Depressed Offspring"?
          
           MAXWELL: 
           "How Cleopatra Got Her Groove Back."
          
           BETSY: (Joins
            the fun.) "Little Sally Caesar Has a Really Bad Hair 
           Day." (Quick look to GLORIA, who boils.) Sorry.
          
           MAXWELL: 
           You cant turn Shakespeare into a chick flick, Gloria. Face it, 
           women just arent as interesting as men.
          
           JB: 
           Hey, Betsy. Werent you saying the other day youd like to 
           do something from "The Taming of the Shrew"?
          
           BETSY: (Skeptical.) Yeah.
          
           JB: 
           You up for Act Two, scene one?
          
           BETSY: 
           I think so.
          
           JB: 
           Great. Now were going to need a door for this scene. 
           Gloria&ldots; (Wiggles finger at her.)
          
           GLORIA: (Fuming.) 
           A door?
          
           JB: (Places
            GLORIA near CENTER, then places her arms above her head to make an 
           arch. To GLORIA.) Ah, ah, ah. There are no small parts...
          
           MAXWELL: 
           ...only small minds.
          
           JB: (To
            MAXWELL.) You, too, stage boy. This door is double hung.
           
          
           
            (Places 
            MAXWELL to the side of GLORIA, then places MAXWELLS arms above 
            his head. They each make a side of a double door by standing with 
            their right shoulders touching, facing the STAGE or PLAYING AREA. )
           
            Perfection.
            
           
            (Demonstrates
             the "door" that is MAXWELL and GLORIA. They swing forward 
            or backward to "open" and "close" like a saloon 
            door, spinning on their heals. JB "opens" and 
            "closes" it with a "skreeech," the sound of 
            creaky door hinges.)
           
            No slamming.
           
          
           MAXWELL: 
           Ill make you pay, my friend. Mark my words.
          
           JB: (To
            BETSY.) Ready?
          
           BETSY: Ready.
          
           JB: 
           Places, everyone! Pay close attention, Gloria. You may learn something.
          
           
            (For the 
            following scene from "The Taming of the Shrew," ACTORS 
            assume the following roles: JB as PETRUCHIO, BETSY as KATHERINE and 
            MAXWELL and GLORIA as the "door." JB crosses UPSTAGE as 
            BETSY/KATE is in a huff and marches through the door. MAXWELL and 
            GLORIA skreech every time PETRUCHIO or KATE move through the 
            "door." JB/PETRUCHIO follows KATE through the door and 
            "closes" it. Speaks as PETRUCHIO.)
           
            Good morrow, 
            Kate, for thats your name, I hear.
           
          
           BETSY/KATHERINE: 
           Well have you heard, but something hard of hearing: They call me 
           Katherine that do talk of me.
          
           JB/PETRUCHIO: 
           You lie, in faith! For you are calld plain Kate,
          
           KATHERINE: Indeed?!
          
           PETRUCHIO: 
           And bonny Kate, and sometimes Kate the curst; But Kate, the prettiest 
           Kate in Christendom.
          
           
            (KATHERINE 
            softens, liking what she hears. PETRUCHIO become bold and grabs her, 
            then tries to waltz with her across the STAGE.)
           
            Kate of Kate 
            Hall, my super-dainty Kate, For dainties are all Kates, and 
            therefore, Kate, (Becomes suddenly serious and drops down on one knee.) 
            Take this of me, Kate of my consolation
           
            Hearing thy 
            mildness praisd in every town,
            Thy virtues 
            spoke of, and thy beauty sounded,
            Yet not so 
            deeply as to thee belongs,
            Myself am 
            movd to woo thee for my wife.
           
          
           KATHERINE: 
           Movd! In good time! Let him that movd you hither remove 
           you hence. (Moves to "door," "opens" it and 
           begins to step through, but PETRUCHIO stops her and pulls her away 
           from the "door." Angry.) I knew you at the first you 
           were a moveable.
          
           PETRUCHIO: (Slams
            "door" shut.) Why, whats a moveable?
          
           KATHERINE: 
           A joind-stool.
          
           PETRUCHIO: 
           Though hast hit it! (Gets down on all fours.) Come sit on me!
          
           KATHERINE: 
           Asses are made to bear, and so are you. (Gives his rump a push 
           with her foot.)
          
           PETRUCHIO: (Falls.) 
           Women are made to bear, and so are you.
          
           KATHERINE: 
           No such jade as you, if me you mean.
          
           PETRUCHIO: 
           Alas, good Kate, I will not burden thee! For knowing thee to be but 
           young and light
          
           KATHERINE: 
           Too light for such a swain as you to catch, and yet as heavy as my 
           weight should be.
          
           PETRUCHIO: 
           Should be! Shouldbuzz!
          
           KATHERINE: 
           Well taken, and like a buzzard.
          
           PETRUCHIO: 
           O, slow-winged turtle! Shall a buzzard take thee?
          
           KATHERINE: 
           Ay, for a turtle, as he takes a buzzard.
          
           PETRUCHIO: 
           Come, come, you wasp! In faith, you are too angry.
          
           KATHERINE: 
           If I be waspish, best beware my sting.
          
           PETRUCHIO: 
           My remedy is then to pluck it out.
          
           KATHERINE: 
           Ay, if the fool could find it where it lies.
          
           PETRUCHIO: 
           Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail.
          
           KATHERINE: 
           In his tongue.
          
           PETRUCHIO: 
           Whose tongue?
          
           KATHERINE: 
           Yours, if you talk of tales, and so farewell. (Goes to 
           "open" door. MAXWELL and GLORIA open.)
          
           PETRUCHIO: (Slams
            them shut.) What, with my tongue in your tail? Nay, come again, 
           Good Kate; I am a gentleman
          
           KATHERINE: 
           That Ill try. (Strikes him.)
          
           PETRUCHIO: 
           I swear Ill cuff you if you strike again.
          
           KATHERINE: 
           So may you lose your arms. If you strike me, you are no gentleman! 
           And if no gentleman, why then no arms?
          
           MAXWELL: 
           Speaking of arms... (He and GLORIA drop their arms and shake them 
           from exhaustion. PETRUCHIO and KATHERINE are too busy to notice.)
          
           PETRUCHIO: 
           A herald, Kate? O, put me in thy books!
          
           KATHERINE: 
           What is your crest? A coxcomb?
          
           PETRUCHIO: 
           A combless cock, so Kate will be my hen.
          
           The Scene 
           from Taming a Shrew continues...